Tales From the Hentai...GONE WRONG!!!
by Chibi Lina Inverse
Summary: A series which parodies the oh-so popular genre of lemons that I love so dearly. First episode is Sailor Moon. Not sure if rating should be higher. R for limeyness (least I think it is...I could be wrong) and some language. Please read and review!


Disclaimer: I do not own Usagi, Mamoru or any of the other characters from the Sailor  
Moon series. I don't own the Sailor Moon series, either. Isn't that interesting? I'm not  
sure who exactly owns the rights, but I do know that Naoko Takeuchi-san is the creator!  
  
A/N: I've read a fair amount of hentai fics and they got me thinking: there are so many  
clichés! So that's basically what moved me to write this series of hentai situations that just  
end up wrong and messed up in one way or another. I know that I'm sick, twisted,  
tasteless, and pathetic. Tell me about it.   
Now, as I write these, the anime characters I'm using I like, if not love, that's why I'm  
using them. I don't necessarily agree with the couples, but the ones I use are relatively  
popular. I'm not trying to bash them in any of the cruel and tasteless situations I throw  
them into.  
  
  
Episode One: Looks Can Be Deceiving  
starring: Usagi and Mamoru from Sailor Moon (takes place sometime in the early stages  
of their relationship)  
Dedicated to my Internet amigo Josh, who was the first person to show some interest in  
my quirky little idea, want to read it, and encouraged me to sit down and write it.  
  
It was a sultry, hot summer morning. Usagi was draped over her bed, five fans set  
on high aimed at her and a paper fan in her hand. It was one of those days where you  
didn't want to do anything, not even move. She extended her arm to her bedside table and  
grabbed her tall glass of lemonade. The condensation on the glass felt cool and comforting  
to her hot, sweaty hand. She brought the glass to her mouth and took a long sip.  
  
"Ahhh! That feels so good!" she said aloud. She began to play with the little paper  
umbrella that she had put in her drink for fun. "I wonder what the girls are doing today...  
Maybe they might want to get together and go somewhere air conditioned. That would be  
so nice..." She closed her eyes and let out a little moan at the thought of the cool air  
touching her sticky skin.  
  
However, her mind easily wandered. Her moan had reminded her of Mamo-chan.  
She blushed at her dirty thoughts and giggled childishly. She began to wiggle and squirm  
just at the thought of Mamoru kissing her. They had made out a few times, but really  
nothing more than that. She had thought of having sex with him, but she was a good little  
girl and had restrained herself from ever acting on those thoughts.  
  
The wet glass in her hand began to slip and her squirming didn't help her regain  
her grip. The lemonade fell directly onto her chest and her stomach. Her initial reaction  
was one of shock, but she quickly realized that the liquid was refreshing. After she had  
soaked in the juice for a few moments, she slowly pulled herself up and sat on the edge of  
the bed.  
  
"Damn it, why do I have to be so clumsy? Damn you, Mamoru, for giving me all  
those ecchi thoughts. Look what you made me do!" She threw a pillow at her bedroom  
door, just as her mother was opening the door.  
  
"Usagi! What was that for?" she asked.  
  
"Sorry...I was just a little upset, that's all."  
  
"Well, your friends are on the phone. They want to know if you'd like to go to the  
beach with them this afternoon. If I were you, I would go...and what's that on your  
shirt?!"  
  
Usagi blushed in embarrassment. "Yes, tell them yes. I'd like to go." She looked  
down at her shirt. "I spilled lemonade on myself."  
  
"Usagi? What are we going to do with you?" Her mother left the room and Usagi  
began to look for a bathing suit to wear.  
  
"I want to wear something sexy, in case there are some gorgeous men there." She  
giggled, but slapped herself on the wrist for thinking of someone other than her  
Mamo-chan.  
  
She picked out a very revealing light blue bikini and put it on. Standing in front of  
the mirror, she looked herself over at different angles. She stood facing the mirror and  
lifted up her arms. She slowly lowered them, placing them on her sides and sliding her  
hands down her body to her hips. She then turned to the side and moved her hands in front  
of her and slid them up her body, ending on her breasts. She closed her eyes and let her  
mind wander once more, imagining Mamoru's hands replacing her own. Her cheeks  
flushed to a soft pink and she began to fondle herself. Lightly grazing her fingertips over  
the soft fabric of her bikini making circular motions around her nipples, her cheeks  
brightened in color. Just the thought of Mamoru alone was enough to get her hot and  
bothered. She took her right hand, slipped it into her bikini top and continued the motion  
that she had previously performed. She took her left hand, slid it down her stomach and  
slipped it into her bikini bottom. She pressed her index finger onto her clit and began to  
move it back and forth, causing her legs to spasm in reflex. "Mmmamo-chaaaaannn...,"  
she moaned. Usagi replaced her index finger with her thumb and was about to slide her  
index finger into her vagina before her mother walked through the door again, catching  
her in the act.  
  
"Usagi!" she exclaimed as she shut her eyes and turned away, embarrassed at the  
sight of her daughter. Usagi herself turned away and put her hands behind her back.  
"Umm...your friends are here to pick you up. They're waiting outside." Her mother  
attempted to leave the room with her eyes still closed.  
  
Usagi decided to leave through the window this time, since she didn't want to see  
her mother immediately after that incident. She grabbed a towel and some sandals and slid  
out of her window, landing with a thud. She ran around front and greeted her friends with  
a wave and a smile. They all piled into Makoto's car and drove off for the beach.  
  
***  
  
"Ahhh! This is the life!" Rei sighed as she stretched herself out on her towel. The  
five girls had been at the beach for a few hours and had already been in the water several  
times. Now they decided to spend some time tanning, since having a tan is just so  
important.  
  
Usagi was lying on her back, hoping to get a nice tan on her legs and stomach. She   
felt so comfortable basking in the sun. Sure, she was hot, but since the beach had such a  
nice, cool breeze, it was so much better than being at home. Her eyes were shut and she  
could feel the bright light through her eyelids. Suddenly a shadow fell over her. She  
opened her eyes to find herself staring straight at some man's huge penis that was only a  
few inches away from her face. Usagi's eyes widened. She sat up quickly and turned  
herself around to find out that this man was actually her Mamo-chan. He smiled and  
winked at her as she blushed at the fact that she was actually staring at his gigantic...well,  
you know.  
  
"Didn't think I'd find you here. Trying to get a tan, eh? Good, because I'm not  
really turned on by pasty white girls." Mamoru chuckled to himself and ended up getting  
some sand thrown at him.  
  
"Shut up, you idiot! Yes, I'm getting a tan! You don't need to make fun of me for  
it!" Usagi stood up and walked off in a huff. Mamoru just stood there for a moment, still  
laughing. After a moment, he went after her.  
  
Usagi went to a dark corner near the beach house and sat down. That bastard, she  
though, he tells me he's in love with me and then he goes and makes jokes about me! Who  
the hell does he think he really is, anyway?!... She let out a deep sigh. But his penis  
looked so good...so...large...so...tasty...oh god, he makes me horny so easily! Damn it,  
Usagi! Why did you have to run away? Or at least why didn't you bring him with you?!  
Baka baka baka baka baka! She lightly hit herself in the head as Mamoru turned the  
corner.  
  
"Now you're beating yourself up? Geez, you sure are a weird girl!" He sat down  
next to her and wrapped his arms around her petite body. "But you know I care for you  
anyway, as weird as you may be." He began to kiss her neck, tasting the salt from the  
ocean.  
  
"I shouldn't be letting you do this after the way you treated me, you know," she  
replied. She was afraid of how he would react to her statement. Please don't stop...ignore  
what I said!  
  
Mamoru lifted his face for a moment to speak. "Yeah, I know, but I don't think  
you really want me to stop...especially when I can do this." He lowered one of his hands  
to her pelvis and began to rub her between her legs, her bikini bottom the only barrier  
between her and his fingers. Usagi let out a cute little squeal that made him smile. He took  
his hand off of her and whispered in her ear. "That's just a small taste of what's to come."  
He kissed her on the mouth and stood up.  
  
As he helped Usagi up, she replied, "My parents are going out tonight to a dinner  
party. They'll be gone all evening. They're not getting back until around seven in the  
morning." She blushed so hard that her cheeks stung. "Maybe you might want to come  
over tonight. We could...um...watch movies...yeah..."  
  
Mamoru smiled. "Yeah...I have a really long one I want to show you. I think you'll  
like it." He winked at her and made her squeal again. "Well, I'll see you tonight then. See  
ya!" He turned and left for his car, leaving Usagi hot, sweaty, and incredibly aroused.  
  
***  
  
Usagi was pacing around her room at around six o'clock. Her parents had left only  
a few minutes earlier, but she couldn't help but be nervous and excited all at the same  
time. This was going to be her first time and she wanted it to be absolutely perfect. Man,  
she loved Mamoru so much! Even if he did make fun of her all the time and get on her  
nerves, he could turn her on so easily. How did he do it? Was it his piercing eyes? Was it  
his soft hair? Was it his sexy lips? Was it his smooth voice? Was it his delicious body?  
Usagi stood in place, pondering the answer to this question. No...come to think of it, it  
wasn't any of these things. Was it his penis? Yes, actually, that's what drove her insane.  
She giggled and fell onto her bed, clutching her hands to her heart. Man, she was so  
shallow. But right now, she didn't really care. He was going to be on top of her. He was  
going to be in her. He was going to be one with her. She didn't really give a crap whether  
or not she loved him for him right now. The important thing right now was that she was  
going to get laid.  
  
Suddenly she jumped up from her position on the bed in alarm. Shit! What is  
Mamo-chan didn't catch on to my sarcasm? What if he didn't realize the intense sexual  
innuendo he was using when they were talking earlier? What if he really thinks that we're  
really going to watch movies! Damn it, Usagi! I should've just said "Take me now,  
Mamoru! Just fuck me right now! Right here!" and then spread my legs. That would've  
been a hell of a lot easier! Baka baka baka baka baka!  
  
Just then, she heard a knocking at her bedroom door. The doorknob slowly turned  
and the door creaked open at a painfully slow pace. Usagi held her breath, waiting to find  
out if the mystery person was who she hoped it was. When the door finally opened  
completely, she let out her breath and ran over to give her Mamoru a huge hug, a  
passionate kiss, and a hearty grope between the legs.  
  
"Woah, easy there!" said Mamoru. "There'll be plenty of time for that later on.  
Right now, we're going to watch that movie I promised I'd bring over."  
  
Nooo! thought Usagi. I don't want to watch a movie! I only want to watch you  
stripping in front of me! Unless...maybe it's a porno! Good thinking, Mamo-chan! That'll  
get us both stimulated! You're a genius!  
  
"What movie is it? "Debbie Does Dallas"? Or did you bring over a hentai?  
Hopefully it's not "La Blue Girl"...I don't really like the idea of tentacle monsters..."  
Usagi began to ramble.  
  
"Uh, no, that's not what I brought over. Actually, I brought over "Ben-hur". It's  
really long, like I said."  
  
Nooooo! Damn it! That movie is so boring! This isn't a turn on, Mamo-chan!  
  
Mamoru began to laugh at Usagi's disgusted face. "I'm just kidding, Usa-ko. I  
didn't bring over "Ben-hur". I didn't bring over anything. You know what I'm here for.  
You know what I want."  
  
Usagi blushed the color of a deep red rose. "I do?" she asked.  
  
"I think so. Let's double check, just to make sure," he replied. He took her in his  
strong arms and cradled her. He moved his lips to hers, pressing them together. He could  
taste her strawberry lip gloss and it made him laugh inside. He slid his tongue into her  
mouth and their saliva combined like a sweet concoction of pleasure. She pressed her  
tongue into his and practically melted in his arms, right then and there. And they hadn't  
even got to the good part yet.  
  
Mamoru picked up his Usagi and carried her over to her bed. He placed her on her  
back, with her head settled on her pillow. She couldn't help but let a slight smirk cross her  
face in her eager anticipation of what was to come. He must be enormous! He made a  
point of wearing very tight pants that evening and she could see him bulging through the  
skin tight fabric.  
  
He placed his hands on either side of her and slid them forward on her silky sheets.  
Her sheets alone were turning him on. He didn't really know why he liked silk; he assumed  
that it was because the smoothness of the fabric reminded him of her skin. She looked so  
edible right then. He could just peel of her clothing like a banana and eat her. No...a  
banana was the wrong analogy. Peaches...that's what he could compare her to. Peaches  
and cream... Oh man, that was so cliché...and so full of innuendo! He loved that analogy!  
He chuckled to himself, which made Usagi concerned.  
  
"What's so funny, Mamoru? Is it because my tits are smaller than your pathetic  
dating Sim girls? Well, guess what? Not all of us can be as well endowed as those  
cartoons!"  
  
Mamoru shook his head. "No, Usa-ko. I wasn't laughing at your tits or any other  
part of your body. Well, okay, I was laughing at them, but not for that reason. It was a  
good reason, don't you worry." He moved his head down towards her neck and nuzzled  
her lovingly.  
  
"Well, okay then." She pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it to the floor.  
"Just do it. Do me now. I don't think I can really last much longer."  
  
Mamoru smiled at her enthusiasm. He hadn't really done this before himself,  
although he didn't like to admit it. Yes, he was a virgin, but he had watched enough  
hentais and played enough dirty dating Sim games to get the basic idea on what exactly to  
do to please his little bunny. He slid his hands underneath her and unlatched her bra. He  
slowly pulled it off, unveiling the prize he dearly wanted. He threw it behind his head and  
it got caught on the arm of her chair.  
  
Mamoru's eyes glossed over as if he were about to cry. They're...they're so  
beautiful! Small, but perfect...simply beautiful! He cupped his hands and covered her  
breasts. They're so soft! They really are peaches! He bit his lip and pressed on. His fingers  
began to quiver slightly as they began to trace the outer most part of her breasts. He  
brought his fingers inward, gently stroking her nipples. He lowered his head to her  
stomach and licked her right below her belly button. He brought a trail of kisses up her  
stomach and licked her left breasts, then her right. She let out a squeak when he began to  
suckle on her nipples.  
  
"Oh, Mamo-chan... You're so unbelievable..."  
  
Did she just say I was unbelievable? I didn't really do anything yet! I guess she  
gets pleased really easily... My job seems to be laid out before me...pun intended!  
Mamoru began to laugh...again, which made Usagi get upset...again.  
  
"Mamoru! Are you laughing at me? You asshole! Maybe I shouldn't let you play  
around with me! What would you do about that, huh?!"  
  
"Umm...well, I'd probably go find someone else...but I really don't think you want  
me to leave, do you?"  
  
"Not really...anyway, continue!"  
  
He took his right hand and slipped it down into her panties and began to gently rub  
her outer layer. While continuing to suckle her, he slid his index finger in and out of her  
slick vagina and used his thumb to play around with her sensitive clit. Usagi began to grab  
the sheets and moan softly. Mamoru laughed, for the third time that evening, at her cute  
little moans. Usagi, lost in her realm of ecstasy, gritted her teeth and sharply yelled at her  
lover.  
  
"What is it, Mamo-chan?! What the hell am I doing this time? Geez, you tell me  
you love me, then as we're moving up in the ranks, you keep laughing! What's you're  
problem?!"  
  
"Nothing, Usa-ko, it's just that you're so cute in bed," he said.  
  
"Oh...Mamo-chan! I love you!" she cooed.  
  
As Mamoru continued, Usagi began to get a little side-tracked by the object of her  
desire...between his legs. She licked her lips. Man, oh man, would I like to put my lips  
around that! Well, I guess I can wait... maybe I should just loosen up and release myself  
on him so that he can hurry up and finish... I know! I'll just stare at his penis! Usagi  
stared hard at Mamoru's crotch and just let herself go.  
  
Mamoru felt her juices spill onto his hand and he withdrew his fingers. He sat  
back, satisfied with the knowledge that he could turn a woman on. "Okay, your turn,  
Usa-ko."  
  
Usagi smiled with excitement. "May I do the honors of removing the barrier that  
prevents me from taking what is rightfully mine?"  
  
"Go right ahead. The pleasure's all mine. Believe me," he replied.  
  
He kneeled in front of her and she dove in. She slowly unbuttoned his pants and  
unzipped his fly. She helped him slide off his pants and move them to the floor, out of the  
way. Usagi took a deep breath and braced herself for the moment she had been waiting  
for. She tucked her fingers underneath the hem of his underwear and yanked them down.  
Her eyes widened at the sight she saw before her. Her eyes glossed over as if she was  
going to cry, much like Mamoru had done earlier in the evening. Mamoru...he's so...so...  
She couldn't believe it. A large bundle of socks rolled down and hit her in the knees. He's  
so freaking small! Usagi's lip quivered and she burst into a fit of laughter.  
  
Mamoru was now the one to get upset. He thought that Usagi wouldn't mind. He  
thought that she loved him for him and wouldn't care that he was a bit on the small side.  
Sure, he had put socks in his pants to make him look larger, but that was mainly just for  
show to women other than Usagi. He gritted his teeth and waited for her laughter to  
cease.  
  
Usagi fell over onto her back laughing. Tears welled up in her eyes, she was  
laughing so hard. She remembered something that Ami had left in her desk and she  
hopped off the bed to go find the object. Mamoru was horrified when Usagi pulled a  
magnifying glass from out of her desk.  
  
"Waitwaitwaitwait! I'll still blow you, I just need this to see where it is!" She fell  
back onto the bed in laughter.  
  
Mamoru had had enough. He pulled his underwear back on and went to look for  
his pants. When he was fully dressed, Usagi was still laughing. She would calm down and  
then looked at him and begin to laugh all over again.  
  
He left her house, hopped into his car, and drove home. He had hoped to have a  
fun, romantic, passionate evening with his Usa-ko, but he guessed that maybe they just  
weren't ready for that yet.  
  
When he got home he turned on his television and popped in his copy of "La Blue  
Girl". Maybe he'd just have to settle for his hentai girls and himself for now. 


End file.
